Things are changing every day... To be honest this whole photographer thing scares me. I mean i love taking pictures but i also get that there are like tones of people better than me out there and I know it will take me years before i can really sit down and prove that i can be just as good as anyone else but getting to that point is going to be hard. i know its something i want to do i just want to be good at it, i want to be able to look at my pictures and be proud of them and at this point i'm really not. i hate editing too, thats always driven me crazy a great photographer shouldn't have to edit hardly anything maybe a photo or two but even then they may not even need to keep those. also finding a job in photography to really make it worthwhile is not easy. one of the main places that have specific photgraphy jobs are newspapers and not many of them want a full time person they would rather buy a pic or two of the event from anyone with a decent shot and send them on their way. it sucks. i feel like i'm back at the beginning.

with my sister being a para it really kills the fun of that job, i mean if she can do it anyone can. i thought i was really good at it better than my whole family and they thought so too then all of a sudden my sister decides it would be cool i don't even know what possesed her to chose that over the million other things she's good at. but that left me with nothing. i don't know what to do now. i can't go into teaching when its already all about her and her future mother-in-law who is on the school board. urg!!! i'm at a loss what am i suppose to do now!? i mean oveasly right now i have my kids and they are my focus along with homework and hubby of course. but then what tre's already in school ben will be in school next year and ty soon after. its happening to fast. i'm not ready for this. my plans are being crushed. god chances are i'll be stuck working at walmart the rest of my life... or atleast through the christmas seasons though i have to admit it is pretty fun ;) if you like the high energy and fast pace work anyway. oh what else can i do... i feel so lackin in talent right now. everyone is already doing everything i thought interesting and most are doing it way better. you know the depressing thing... i actually thought about working at ph... i know scary right o.0 i mean thats totally his thing but most days he makes it sound fun and easy that it almost makes me want to be there enjoying it with him. and then reality sets in and i think better of it. POOOOO!!!!!


tre's been having great day's at school! i'm so happy and proud. he's such an amazing helpful loving kid. I know he will always be that way, its his personallity all he wants to do is help people and make everyone have a great day. he's always the one that comes up and gives me hugs and asks if i need anything or if i'm ok. hes even let me sit and cry on him a few times... which is sad because toddlers should never have to do that for their parents but i'm hardly ever reminded that he's only three... i need to make his birthday special this year... just not sure how to do it... i wonder if they make mario cakes lol.... oh right school well he got to get in the giant borrowed high school bus today. he was freaking he loved it and practicly ran up the steps it was so cute i barly got a bye lol. his brother was going crazy waving franticlly and trying to go with. i love his bus driver she is amazing, she even beeps and waves when she passes to make sure he knows that she saw him waving bye (again lol) though today he climbed out of the only slightly smaller but still as tall bus he took a step to quick and wasn't holding the rail so he kind just slid out of the bus to me and smiled and waved and said bye then we went inside once she was really gone and he finally said ow lol he only scraped his back a little bit it was hardly red but he still had to mention that it still hurt of course. another school day tomorrow... i'm already garenteed less than 6 hours of sleep now... oh well its worth it he loves school and i love him.

ben's doing a wonderful job potty training! he and i are finally connecting i'm actually getting hugs and stuff durring the day. he's starting to act like he needs me. whoo! so long story short he's very much a daddy and nana's boy he has always acted like he's hated me since birth actually. he's the only boy that didn't want to be held constantly in the hospital i tried too but he was more content in his plastic box lol. he also hardly ever came near me its always been about daddy... he was the favorite... in fact ben never even said any form of mommy till he was over a year old. it was depressing but again i had tre' who wanted no ones attention but mine.

tyler tried crawling today... this is nothing new for my boys they were all crawling and walking pretty early tre' was walking by 9 months and yes i have proof :P ben didn't want too he could but he always just crawled which started around 10months so he was a little behind his brothers rapid phaze. but they all rolled over quick and held bottles quick and that kind of thing very early it weirded out the doctors they didn't believe me most of the time. tyler is now 3 months whoo!

thats pretty much my only update for now.... not really thinking of anything else to say... probably going to watch a show then go to bed... wouldn't bother but the DVR is at 96% and we have stuff to record... so night :)